That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize