just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize