I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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