sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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