At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
