If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
