I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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