he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
