He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
