I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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