The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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