Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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