The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
