I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
