do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
