And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
