i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
