so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
