It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
