They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
