I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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