There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
