I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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