You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize