There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it glows. i had to have it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
