Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
