I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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