I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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