bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
be right there i have to get my cape
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
