wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize