I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
