There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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