Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
last night I used snow as a chaser
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
