Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
