Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
