the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
