I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
