If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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