So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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