Is it normal to miss your booty call?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
