Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
