New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
