Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
