I like to think it a success when the cops are called
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
