well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
