Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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