dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
