I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He better not be in your backpack
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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