Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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