Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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