im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just had sex bonerless
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize