is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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