we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
