he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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