i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
