I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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