Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
