I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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