i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
