What a fucking waste of an outfit
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
