so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
