There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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