so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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