Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
