Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
