seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize