So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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