If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
