he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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