he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
