yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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